Today is a day that should be celebrated and rejoiced. Instead, my wife and I are arguing and slept in different bedrooms last night. This all goes back to being honest and passed lies that are finally catching up with me. But I don’t want to focus on that today. Rather, want to mark this occasion as a milestone and be proud of what I have accomplished even though I did it on my own.
Thirty days without a drink is a long time for me (cigarettes as well). this past month has been hell with all the fights that my wife and I have engaged. Being home alone with my thoughts and her at work is not good for an alcoholic, yet alone a bipolar, depressed individual. I have plenty of time to drink and hide it from her and sober up by the time she comes home. Yet, for the grace of my higher power, I was able to refrain from giving in.
Later on, when I go to a meeting to pick up my 30 day chip I will feel proud and know that I have accomplished something. I know that I need to find a sponsor as quickly as possible but I have yet to find someone that I relate to or even would want to talk with. For now I will continue to go to meetings daily and may even have the courage to speak up. I am slowing starting to sip the AA Kool-aid. Not yet 100% convinced but they say “keep coming back, it works if you work it”.