So that didn’t last. 48hrs and it all came crashing down. Started this morning when my wife decided that she couldn’t trust me and decided to leave work early to check on me. Her whole purpose was to see if she could catch me drinking and in a lie (when she text I told her I was at an AA meeting). As previously stated I have a problem with being truthful and being completely honest with her. I can only imagine how she must feel while at work always wondering if I am drinking or lying to her. Her anxiety prevented her from getting any work done so she decided to come home and surprise me. However, when she came home I was at an AA meeting. It didn’t give her any solace, as she thought I may have gone to the liquor store, picked up little shooters, and gone to the park to drink.

My actions have led to this. I have no one to blame but myself. It is myself and my doings that have led to this behavior. I can only imagine what goes through her head throughout the day. The constant wondering if I am drinking, smoking or what lie I am telling her. Is it ever going to end? Only if I can be completely honest and stop lying. Time is the only thing that can fix the situation. I wish I could snap my finger and have time go by. Unfortunately this is not a possibility. Until then, I struggle and our marriage suffers.

Is this the beginning of the end?

lonely
Photo: Norbert Eder