This morning I was so depressed from the events from yesterday (find the story here) I couldn’t get out of bed. My wife last night slept in a separate bedroom and was up this morning around 6am. Despite hearing her move about the bedroom getting her clothes ready for work, I pretended to still be asleep. I ended up staying in bed until 11 am watching shows on my iPad. When I finally rolled out of bed the darkness of depression and loneliness consumed me. I knew I had to get myself together and head to an AA meeting before  I did something stupid and had a drink. That would have ruined my 43 days sober. However, my anxiety was so bad I had to leave half way through the meeting. So now I’m at home trying to lower my anxiety and relax.

Tonight we went to her son’s baseball game and we acted like a normal couple. After all we were there to support him. He does not need to know that his mom and step-dad are fighting. Our goal has always been to put him first above all else. We seem to do a good job at accomplishing this. Afterwards we enjoyed a nice dinner and quality family time before dropping him off at his father’s house.  It was a nice evening and just wished it could have lasted a little bit longer. I yearn for those moments when everything seems to be going right. Even though it was just superficial it was still nice.

When it came time for bed, she indicated that she needed a few more days to get emotionally straight before she could share the bed with me again. I quite wasn’t sure what this was supposed to mean but I didn’t argue, rather just wished her a good night. I think by doing so I avoided a fight that I would have regretted. A fight that would have resulted in name calling and things we would say that we couldn’t take back.

As days go,  I would have to say that today leaned more towards a good day, although we still had our issues. Nowadays I have to pick my battles and accept the little victories. For most couples today would have been a bad day, but for me it was a good day. It’s the little things that make me feel good. I look forward to tomorrow and see what the day will bring.

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Photo: Anders Eriksson